Draco's Pigfarts Adventure
by CielGoesRAWR
Summary: PLEASE READ: If you haven't watched A very potter musical or A very potter sequel, you won't understand this. For those of you who have watched it, this is Draco's...erm...'pottylicious' Pigfarts adventure. :P
1. Pigfarts, Here I Come!

Draco Malfoy stepped into the rocketship, barely able to contain his excitement. He was finally going. The land of all magic! The terra firma of tremendousness! The plethora of popularity! The breathtaking, gorgeous, red, desert of Mars. Pigfarts Intergalactic School of Wizardry, to be exact, was where he was headed. It was said to be the most prestigious wizarding school in all the universe. And, of course, Draco always had to have the best. He was at Pigfarts now, and nothing could stop him from rising to the top!

The rocketship ride took only ten minutes, because the people who were controlling the rocketship sped it up with magic. Draco was glad, otherwise he would have been stuck in suspense for days, months, years!

"We're here," said Lucius, his escort.

"Daddyyy! We're finally here at Pigfarts! Oh my gosh! We're finally here!" Draco was squealing and jumping up at down at the sight of the big red planet.

"Hush, Draco," his father said, a little annoyed at his son.

They landed on Mars, right in front of the enormous school shaped like a pig's rear end.

"Oh, it's PERFECT!" cried Draco. "Everybody's going to be totally jealous!"

As the doors of the ship opened, Draco dropped to the ground and rolled out of the rocket onto the grounds of Pigfarts. He liked rolling around like that.

"Cut it out, Draco," his father snapped, usually embarrassed by his son's antics.

"Hi Rumbleroar!" Draco said excitedly. "I'm so excited, I get to come to Pigfarts!"

Rumbleroar nodded. "Welcome," he said.

"Bye Daddy! I'll write you a letter every day!" Draco told his father as Lucius stepped back into the rocketship.

Wow. He was finally here, finally going to Pigfarts, where he would tell everyone about the wonders of the amazing potty!

"Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come!" Draco sang out to the universe as he stepped inside the doors, eagerly awaiting to meet the professors. "Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum yum yum!"

~One Day Later~

"What's that?" Narcissa asked Lucius as he ripped open the pink envelope.

"A letter from Draco," he replied.

"What does it say?"

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

I taught everybody I know about the potty! They're all fascinated by my knowledge, and we got Rumbleroar's permission to start a potty club! Aren't you proud of me, Daddy? I knew you would be! I'll write you again tomorrow!

Sincerely the King of the Potty,

Draco

**A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you liked Chapter One!**


	2. The Flower Asteroid Zoria

**A;LSDKFJA; I'm so late. Really. But I have excuses. First, my computer was acting up and got like thirty different viruses, so my hard drive had to be replaced. Then, my USB went missing for like two months, and I was really pissed off, as that has most of my stories on it (including this one). I FINALLY got it back, but I haven't had time to work on this because I've been preoccupied with school, writer's block, and other random stories that came to me more easily. So I'm really sorry to you all. *cries* THANK YOU for reading and reviewing the first chapter! It makes my day getting reviews! Mwah! **

Lucius was in the middle of a ballet lesson when his cell phone went off.

"MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD! THEY'RE LIKE, IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS-"

"What the devil is that?" asked his dance instructor, slightly put off by his womanly ringtone. Then again, it _was_ Lucius.

"My cell phone," he replied, pulling out a black phone with a mini Voldemort bobble head charm attached. "Hello?"

"HI DADDY!" squealed Draco on the other line. "GUESS WHAT I DID?"

"Draco!" Lucius growled. Dammit! Why did his son pick now, of all times, to call him? "How many times do I have to tell you? Don't call me! ESPECIALLY when I am practicing the noble art of ballet. I have much more important things to do with my time than spend it talking to a good-for-nothing little poof like you!"

"But Daddy! Daddy! I have to tell you something really important!"

"NO!" his father shouted into the phone, angry that his son was such a noob, to say the least.

"DADDY I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU!"

"Shut it you little prick! I'm busy!

Flipping the phone closed, he pocketed it and returned to the bar. "1,2,3, plie, 2,2,3, plie. . ."

Ten minutes later...

His cell phone dinged, alerting him that he had a text.

Lucius sighed. "Just one second," he told his impatient French instructor, and checked his messages.

'DEAR DADDY I LUV U AND WNT U 2 KNO THAT EVRYBODY LUVS MY POTTY KNOWLEDGE! PPL ON MARS HAVE APPARNTLY ONLY USED DIAPERS BFORE SO THEY WERE LYKE OMG! IM LYKE A CELEBRITY NAO!'

Draco's "father" wanted to vomit. Right then. All over the dance floor. But not on his shiny leather shoes, because he'd just gone shopping to Forever 21 and bought them.

"Let's get back to the dance lesson, please," his instructor said. Lucius was too disappointed in his son to say anything at the moment. "PLEASE," he said again.

"Yes . . .yes of course . . ." mumbled Lucius as he fumbled with the phone.

However, before they could start the repetitious dance number again, the door to the studio opened and in walked a very flamboyant man, wearing dark purple spandex, a cut-off leather jacket, and some hipster glasses. His brown hair was combed back and gelled, so much so that it looked rock-hard. But despite his questionable fashion choices, his face was the most beautiful thing Lucius had ever seen. He was like a model in the human world. It was like the angels had bestowed all the blessings on his face alone, leaving only traces of beauty on the rest of society. The dance instructor must have noticed it too, because the two of them just stood there, staring at this foreign stranger in awe.

"Um . . ."he said in a very, very deep voice, breaking the silence.

They looked at one another awkwardly.

"Er, yes? Can I do anything for you?" asked the instructor, suddenly snapping back to reality.

"Yeah, I'm here for the trial ballet class?" he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Of course, of course!" said the instructor loudly. "You're um . . .uh . . ."

"Faz," he said simply.

Lucius raised his eyebrows. "What an interesting name," he noted.

"It's an acronym, actually," Faz said, adjusting his hipster glasses. "It stands for Flower Asteroid Zoria."

He was met with confused stares. " . . .My parents were hippies," he explained, sighing.

"O. . .kay, well, let's get on with the lesson then," said the instructor, going to the bar.

Lucius was a little weirded out by this strange person. Although he was very beautiful . . .perhaps he could recruit him as a death eater. His mind was filled with possible scenarios to try and approach Faz with such an idea for the rest of the class.

When the two students had been dismissed, Lucius immediately pulled out his phone and blocked Draco from texting and/or calling him. He had enough on his mind without that annoying house-elf child bothering him all the time.

"Dude." It was Faz, behind him, staring unblinkingly at his phone. "Is that an iPhone 4S?"

"Um . . ." Lucius wasn't sure. It had been a gift from the Dark Lord himself at his Valentine's Day Party last year. "I think so, yes."

"Cool."

Another awkward silence. "I like your shoes," Faz finally said in a monotone voice. Lucius glanced down at the shiny Italian leather. He had to agree, they were very nice shoes. "We should go to Forever 21 sometime together. The planets are telling me you have nice style."

How queer, Lucius thought, doing a little leap and a twirl. Little did he know that he and Faz were soon to become best friends for life. FOR. LIFE.

" A,B,C,D,E,F,G, I can use the po-tty, Daddy is so proud of me, I'm cooler than Harry P . . . " Draco sang half-heartedly as he walked through the halls of Pigfarts. It was a little song he had made up last year while still at Hogwarts. Now, he knew it was all a lie. His father wasn't proud of him at all. All he cared about was his stupid ballet lessons, he thought, kicking a soda can as he walked. Suddenly, his phone rang. Who could be calling me at this hour? He answered the phone eagerly.

"Hello?"

"Hey man, how's Pigfarts?" It was Harry, calling all the way from England.

"Harry! Wow, hi! You're so far away in Hogwarts! How is everyone? Hermione? Luna? Everyone good? Have you learned to use the potty yet, Harry?"

There was a short silence and what sounded like muffled laughing. Draco clutched the phone tightly, afraid that Harry might hang up on him. "Harry? Are you there?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Um, I guess everyone's doing ok, and yeah, I learned to use the potty when I was like, 2."

Draco blinked. That git. There's no way he's telling the truth. You'd have to be a superhero to be potty-trained at that age. "I'm being serious, Harry. It's okay to admit you use diapers still."

Back at Hogwarts, Harry was trying to make sense of Draco's ideas. He wasn't sure if he was playing a joke on him. He frowned at the phone and nonchalantly stuck another Red Vine in his mouth. "No. I don't. "

Draco rolled his eyes. "Fine, Harry. Tell me the truth when you're ready. But anyways! I have exciting news! Daddy won't listen to me because he really doesn't like me . . .I'm not sure why that is but maybe it's because I don't appreciate ballet or something. I still don't fully believe that I'm related to house-elves. I swear! But anyways, I started a potty club! And everyone's so fascinated by my knowledge that they're going to give me a special trophy! There's a ceremony tonight and even Rumbleroar is going to—" There was a clicking noise and the phone line was nothing but a dull tone. " –be there . . ." he finished softly, flipping his pink sparkly cell shut. He sighed. Well, that made two people who didn't believe in his ideas. He wondered if anyone else back home would appreciate him for who he was. His dad didn't. His friends didn't. Well, not Potter anyway.

Draco slumped down on the floor and pulled out his crayons and some paper. He wasn't going to write a letter to anyone, but instead draw a picture. And so he did. He drew everything that came to mind, every thought that came across his brain. He drew until he couldn't draw anymore. And so, in the middle of the hallway of Pigfarts School, Draco fell asleep.

**Thanks for reading! I promise, the next chapter will be up much sooner than this one was! xD**


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